Just One of Those Days….

Sundays are my Fridays.  For me it’s the end of my work week and the last few shows before a day where I can do whatever I want, even if whatever I want includes NOT setting an alarm and making all day friends with my pajamas. 

Truth be told, it’s been raining almost non stop for the last few weeks so when I get to my day off, my pajamas and I generally continue our all day friendship, and I’m ok with that.

But this isn’t about tomorrow and the everything or nothing that might be in my future, it’s about today.  And today is definitely just one of Those Days. 

Those Days tend to involve a large feeling of powerlessness and a slight increase in paranoia where everything just needs to be more difficult.  It should be noted that I have observed a very clear pattern between Those Days occurring just before a day off.  Just before my weekend…and Those Days tend to drag out interminably.

So I’m curious if other people have these regular Those Days or if it’s just me.  Today’s version of Those Days is sponsored by my computer, my internet connection, the rain and financial spreadsheets.

It’s the kind of day where you try so hard to avoid that really big puddle that you ignore the fact that you’re actually walking straight towards another puddle and end up stepping in it and NOT avoiding what you were trying to avoid to begin with.

It’s the kind of day where you find yourself pulling your hair out because you cannot gain access to a research site that it seems ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that you access RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, only to discover that it made you take a break you needed to take to see the problem more clearly on your own and find your own solution.

It is a day of seemingly endless, highly exasperating face-palm moments.

It is a day where I seem to make sport of calling myself all sorts of names and try to laugh at myself.

Those Days are the days where I have a choice – I can either feel helplessly buffetted along by a strange wind, or look for the silver lining and see what I might gain.  Those Days typically start out with me having the overwhelming feeling that it might have gone better if I”d just stayed in bed and usually end up with some humbling epiphany.  Typically I start out frustrated when I realize I am having one of Those Days but sometimes, I’f I’m really clever and aware, I can turn it around and just grin at it and try to be willing to learn something.

So, yeah, I’m having Just One of Those Days, but I’m trying to be optimistic, and I’m keeping my eyes open for whatever I’m really supposed to be paying attention to (rather than what I THINK I’m supposed to be paying attention to, which is usually pretty far off the road I should be travelling.)

Cheers to you if you’re having Just One of Those Days too.

At a Loss for Words

So I’ve been at a loss for words, literally, for the last several months. It’s not that nothing has been going on in my life, or that I’ve been in a coma, or that the world stopped spinning….I just kept hitting “Add New Post” right here on this very blog and just couldn’t seem to go any further with it.

I think my hamsters were stuck, somehow. Usually they have lots to say, so much to say, in fact, that they prevent any regular sleep and generally leave me feeling a bit out of breath.

Lately, though, they’ve been pretty quiet. Well except for one particularly diabolical one that I hadn’t heard from in a while, but he always manages to tie up the other hamsters, tape their little mouths shut and yell until he’s the only one I can hear.

That hamster we try to keep locked up and away from the rest of us. He’s insidious, devious and clever at finding new ways to crawl into the space between your ears. He is arrogant, full of himself and convinced he’s always right and everyone else is always wrong. His formal name is FEAR but I like to call him by all sorts of other names when I’M feeling particularly creative.

But I guess that’s why I was at a loss for words all this time. I mean, really, here I am, about to embark on an adventure that I was AFRAID would never happen and it all rested on whether or not I would be granted my partner visa for Australia. Well, Mr. Know-it-all-evil-nasty-fear-hamster, I DID get my visa and I DO get to start my life there very soon. Contrary to your perception Mr. Stupid-Furry-Fearmonger, Australia did not rise up against me to prevent me from being able to finally be in the same place as my boyfriend so we can start our life together. We win, you lose. So there.

Of course now is all about the waiting. I suppose life is always about the waiting, but really it`s about patience, which I work REALLY hard to have but don`t always seem to be patient enough to wait around for it. And don`t even start with me on the whole `The reward of patience is patience`thing….that is guaranteed to make smoke come out of my ears. But it is about waiting, and that is the time the Furry Fearmonger likes the most — when you are waiting, you don`t just need patience, you need to have at least a little bit of faith….waiting eats away at faith, if you let it, and if you listen to the Furry Fearmonger.

The Furry Fearmonger also doesn`t seem to like the other hamsters, the hamsters that I am perfectly ok with living in my brain. I`m not sure what he does but I would think that if there`s three of them and one of him that they should win and be able to keep him locked away from the rest of us, but he managed to get the upper hand somehow.

And then I realized, he would continue to have the upper hand as long as I kept quiet and let him take over in my head. So, after many more months than I care to admit since my last point, I am breaking my silence and declaring:

DIE FURRY FEARMONGER!!!!

We don`t need your kind around here anymore.